10.12.05

High Power Fuel

A recent field study conducted by the NYC chapter of the Young and Liberated Women’s Association (YALWA) has concluded that when ingested at a steady and moderate rate, alcohol actually ENHANCES your sense of empowerment.

Beginning with one glass of wine at 7:00, sip a cosmopolitan while you wait for them to have your table ready for 8:00. Over a light meal, enjoy two glasses of wine, followed by one fortified desert coffee. By this point, a full stomach has kept you from outright delinquency, while the poisons have begun to erode your inhibition just enough to suppress your insecurities and apprehensions, but nothing else.

In other words, your wits are not only about you, but at their height. As long as your intake for the rest of the night is moderated to a pace that won’t further compromise your inhibitions, the playing field will be progressively slanted in your favor.

The men about you are likely to become more and more intoxicated, and as you stay ahead of them, it should be relatively easy to manipulate those prospects you find appealing into a subservient position, while evading and fending off whatever unwelcome advances arise.

The study notes, however, that any further intake should constitute some righteous cocktail in itself. After dinner, in other words, women should stick with wine, or switch to a consistent cocktail, and avoid shooters if they want to enjoy their elevated sense of empowerment.

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