Ms. Iah

Cooke-d Bones

2005-12-24T06:13:00.000Z

The renowned BBC correspondent, Alistair Cooke, was posthumously the victim of some horrendous crime. It would seem that after his death, his bones were stolen to be sold as implants and/or to be recycled into dental implants after he died.

Even more upset than over the initial crime, the family now worries for whoever may have received his remains. It seems that the lung cancer that did him in at 95 had already spread to his bones.

This seems like some type of perversely re-occuring theme in gentile culture. In fact, some deceased Catholic clergyman had his heart on display in a box. Yeah, that's real, er, kosher...

Jihad Eye Candy

2005-12-24T05:59:00.000Z

The daughter of Osama bin Laden's half brother is slated for an interview and photo spread in GQ magazine. The Californian born New Yorker, Wafah Dufour, who switched over to her mother's maden name after 9/11, is looking for acceptance from American society and to promote her music.

Indeed, even her father, Yeslam Binladen, changed the spelling of his name in an effort to condemn the legacy of his estranged bros. Dufour's mother, moreover, also fears that if her daughter performs in the Middle-East, she might become the target of assasins.

Then again, the 'Americanized-bitch-pig' might just be looking for an easy way to launch her rock stardom. Or maybe I'm just jealous of those legs-up-to-her-neck.

bin Laden Family Physician: Obesity Causes Jungle Fever

2005-12-22T21:38:00.000Z

A new Hampshire physician, Dr. Terry Bennet, is under fire for telling an overweight patient that if she doesn't lose weight, only a black man will want her. Dr. Bennet, of course, has insisted that his comments were unfairly taken out of context. As reported in the Concord Monitor, Bennet's position is roughly that:

Overweight men are much more likely to die than overweight women, so an overweight woman married to an overweight man risks being an early widow. American men "don't like obese women,"Bennett said - except one group: African-American men. But because there's a general dearth of single middle-aged African-American men in New Hampshire, the woman is likely to end up on her own.
"Black men are the only males that don't have a strong anti-obesity preference," he said. "They mostly grow up in fatherless households where they are surrounded by big, loving women, and they talk about fat as sugar."

Bennett said his logic is racial - the way medical issues like diabetes can be linked to race - and not racist.

"The notion that a black person would find you attractive while a white person of the same age and same gender would not, that's a fact," he said. "If you are going to pick that apart and charge that statement is racist, I subject that you are the racist."

Although Bennet has previously come under fire for non-PC comportment, this is the first time that it's manifest along racial lines. He was defended his multicultural integrity, however, by pointing to his Saudi practice:

Bennett said that his argument about men not wanting overweight women is backed up by research and said the "Technicolor" nature of his Rochester practice supports the idea that he is not a racist. He also pointed to his work as the bin Laden family doctor in Saudi Arabia and his practice there as further evidence that he's multicultural.

"If I was such a prejudiced person why did I have 50,000 charts in Saudi Arabia? They were all brown," he said.

How Bennet uses derisive stereotypes as scare-tactics is curious. Granted, Bennet did try to qualify his comments in terms of scaring patients by alerting them to the risk that they're running of being alone, but it would be interesting to know how he counsels his obese Saudi patients. By warning them that their hijabs would be rendered obsolete or superfluous by their sheer size?

Putting the R.I.P in Crip

2005-12-22T20:53:00.000Z

Picture from the funeral service of Stanley Tookie Williams at Bethel A.M.E chruch in the City of Fallen Angels. A larger collection is available at Reuters.

Check the Bling:

A bonafide Brother from another Mother,

or just a not so gentle gentile?

Spelling it out in Ink for Y'all!

Showing his support and colors, but not his face.

Don't Worry, Be Happy

2005-12-19T19:33:00.000Z

A recent study published in the American Psychological Association's Psychological Bulletin has uncovered a correlation not between success and happiness, but happiness and success. As one newspaper reports:

Researchers found that, contrary to popular belief, success doesn't necessarily bring happiness but rather that happy people tend to be more successful.

“This may be because happy people frequently experience positive moods and these positive moods prompt them to be more likely to work actively toward new goals and build new resources,” said lead author Sonja Lyubomirsky of the University of California, Riverside.

It would seem, then, that when you're happy, you're in a good mood, and when you're in a good mood, people are more likely to like you, and when people like you, they're more likely to give you a job or opportunity. Wow, no wonder we have so much faith in the promise of science: sooner or later, it confirms our most fragile beliefs.

I guess there was something to Bobby McFerrin's famously one-minute wondrous words, after all. What he was really getting at though, wasn't to just forget about your problems, but that if you weren't such a sour-puss worry-wart, you wouldn't have so many to begin with. In other words, if you don't worry, you'll have no worries.

Christmas Crusade

2005-12-19T19:06:00.000Z

It seems that the war on Christmas has elicited a zealous backlash of Crusading proportions. In New Zealand, 40 drunken Santas erupted into a frenzy of Santarchy. Only the latest manifestation of this movement, the drunkards warned that they're looting wouldn't stop until someone was arrested. The police, however, had trouble discerning who had done what.

Meanwhile, British police are searching for a Father Christmas that has been exposing himself to women in a town on the south coast of England. As elusive as his mythological muse, however, authorities have appealled to the public for information.

Only in the Christian tradition can a mythological figure that brings gifts and happiness to children incite people to steal and behave perversely. Sounds much like the misguided ways of the Priesthood with their altar boys. Funny how you never hear about Rabbi rapists or Hanukah arsons.

Money, That's What They Want

2005-12-19T09:46:00.000Z

According to an articles in Rolling Stone, the Beatles are suing EMI for millions. Although their estates are still party to the lawsuit, they are survived only by Paul McCartney and Ringo Starr, and from the point of view of talent and creative genius, that's only half of the Beatles. Without Lennon, there is nothing Fab about the Four, and Lennon and McCartney's disagreement over artistic integrity and property is legendary. Maybe the editor should have exercised a bit more discretion in penning the headline.

Bigger Government, Bigger Brother

2005-12-19T08:51:00.000Z

Although Dubya's latest efforts to keep an ear to the ground have been momentarily squashed, it seems that his neighbors to the north are, once again, leading by example.

Like a good Texan, Dubya shot first and asked questions later, and may have violated a "1978 law that makes it illegal to spy on US citizens without court approval" when he "authorized the National Security Agency to monitor international telephone calls and e-mail messages of Americans and others." The less than enthusiastic partners in the war on terror, on the other hand, legislated away their civil liberty woes four years ago.

Where before 9/11, Canadian authorities required court authorization, a national newspaper now reports:

But that all changed after the Anti-Terrorism Act was proclaimed four years ago in the wake of 9/11. The omnibus anti-terrorism legislation now allows the clandestine Canadian Security Establishment to intercept private communications when directing its activities against "foreign entities" located abroad.

The CSE does not need to go to a court to get such authorization. All it needs to do is get permission from the Minister of Defence.

It seems that all the big government that makes dreams like socialized healthcare come true has its drawbacks. Just like same-sex unions were approved despite dissenting segments of the electorate (good), civil liberties themselves were beyond the influence of civil society and increasingly out of its reach (bad).

I-ran in the Arms Race

2005-12-17T21:38:00.000Z

The Grizzly Contenders

Iranian President, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, who has called for Israel to be whiped off of the map, has renently gained a front-runner standing in the latest laps of the Arms Race time trials. Although the US and its European allies are discussing at what point the issue should be taken up with the UN Security Council, not everyone shares their concerns, Reuters reports:

Tehran insists it only aims to produce civilian nuclear energy. Allies say the program is to produce weapons.

Russia, which is building Iran's nuclear power plant at Bushehr in southern Iran, remains a serious impediment. The United States fears that weapons grade plutonium could be extracted from the Bushehr reactor once it goes on line.

To complicate matters, it seems there is little faith in the Security Council's ability to effect a diplomatic solution:

The Bush administration is under growing pressure from Congress and pro-Israel groups to soften its stance toward Tehran. They want the nuclear issue referred to the U.N. Security Council, where sanctions could be imposed.

On the other hand, pro-Israeli power brokers are bitterly aware of the real-life stakes:

A pro-Israel advocate said administration officials "are considering harder approaches. Things are moving on a faster track."

Essentially, Iranian hostitlity toward Israel is characteristic of the country's lack of diplomatic prudence and patience:

Efforts to halt Iran's nuclear program would suffer if the issue was moved to the Security Council and the council was too divided to take action, some analysts said.

Once again, the all too familiar cliche that whether the ends justify the means can only be answered with time, and when it might be too late, is looming large over Israel.

Bust from the Past

2005-12-17T06:18:00.000Z

So back in 2001, a Hooters employee filed a lawsuit against the parent company. During a beer selling contest, thinking that she'd win a Toyota if she sold the most beer, the bossom-endowed server was dismayed to receive a toy Yoda upon winning.
Although the manager who conceived of the idea likely deserves a Nobel Prize in marketing, said server won the lawsuit less than a year later, and was awarded the luxury to choose any Toyota off of the lot.

Post Script: Brokeback Mountain

2005-12-17T03:13:00.000Z

The male gentile male identity may be redeemable after all. At a second glance, the protagonists of Brokeback Mountain aren't really cowboys. In actuality, they're shepherds, and given the enormous repetoire of jokes involving Greeks or Scots and sheep that are available, they may be something to that. Maybe this isn't so much a film about the gender boundaries of love, but of the specious ones.

Fear, Loathing, & Sex in the City

2005-12-16T23:34:00.000Z

First the self-indulgent Metrosexual trend came along and swept away all the appeal of sensitive, well-read, cosmopolitan men. Now, Holywood has taken a shot at the construction of masculinity with Brokeback Mountain. Set throughout the vistas of Wyoming and Texas, it revolves around two cowboys who fall in love with one another. This just might be the final straw for the rugged gentile appeal.

Of course it's good to send a message of how love knows no boundaries, but to borrow from Willie Nelson, my heart throbs have always been cowboys. Now, no matter what my propsect are in any given room, I'll worry that the metros aren't man enough for me, and the alphas not really interested.

Turning The Other Cheek

2005-12-14T16:56:00.000Z

So, Feministing noted how the Catholic Action League of Massachusetts is encouraging the State's Catholic hospitals to undermine a new state law that would require them to offer the morning-after to all rape victims.

Well, it's no wonder. Turning the other cheek always means looking the other way.

And they wonder why our hospitals are always better...

Blame Canada

2005-12-13T23:04:00.000Z

The US ambassador to Canada is shaking his shamer at the country's political parties for their less than flattering stance on different US policies. Currently in the grips of a federal election campaign, the beady-eyed buggers are jibba-jabbering about things that matter to them, and Ambassador David Wilkins doesn't like the pitch of their tones.

"It may be smart election politics to thump your chest and constantly criticize your friend and your No. 1 trading partner. But it's a slippery slope and all of us should hope it doesn't have a long-term impact on our relationship."

A the top of the lists of has been the US stance on Kyoto and climate, and even more impudently, Canada's insistence of its sovereignty.

"That our friends do not like what we say -- well, c'est la vie. I'm going to defend Canada and I'm right on softwood lumber and I'm right on climate change and I won't let anybody tell me that I should not defend my country," [Prime Minister Martin] said

Terminator Comes Back

2005-12-12T21:49:00.000Z

It'll be interesting to see whether third time's a charm for the Cali Governor who needs no introduction. Schwarzenegger has officially declined to grant clemency the infamous Stanley Tookie Williams. As the New York Times reports:

Mr. Schwarzenegger, a Republican who has recently been criticized by members of his party as being too accommodating to liberals, was not swayed by the arguments on Mr. Williams's behalf.

Mr. Williams has always maintained his innocence of the four murders, and the governor said in a statement this afternoon that "without an apology and atonement for these senseless and brutal killings, there can be no redemption."

With this third and most recent display of cruelty, perhaps the Governator will finally regain enough of a republican backing to bully seasonal wildfires into submission, discipline the poor & lazy, and seek out and deport all those pesky Mexicans taking up those high paid farm and sweatshop jobs that good, god-fearing, tax-paying Americans are rightfully entitled to.

Goy Boys

2005-12-12T20:52:00.000Z

So our men are supposedly more sensitive, more liberal, and, well, more well hung than your average gentile. But for a young and liberated woman not looking to settle down and get serious any time soon, a goy boy has its charms.

Any girl that's ever dreamed of being literally swept off her feet, Scarlett O’Hara style, can appreciate that spontaneous & irrational side of the All American, cowboy, WASP male psyche. They can be just the thing when you need a little bit of noncommittal drama in your life.

A number of typecaste, cameos come to mind. For one, Brad Pitt: as desirable as his lovely Angelina. Woody Harrelson has that rugged, Malboro Man type appeal, and if you prefer a Latin Mariachi, there’s Antonio Banderes. If an older daddy is what you’re in the mood for, in a strange and kinki way, Bruce Willis will do, and even Angelina saw something in Billy Bob Thorton.

Guilty pleasures? Admittedly so, but when you’re in the business of feeling guilt, why not find a way to enjoy it?

He Ain't Heavy, & He Ain't My Brother Either

2005-12-10T17:21:00.000Z

This holiday hype has me steaming hot and bothered. While the western world celebrates the birth of the Messiah, I wonder just what's been saved.

The schmuck has been passing himself off as my kin folk for 2000 years now, and no one has noticed that the world is in an even more miserable state than before he came around--not to say that he bears sole responsibility for the declining state of affairs.

His version of salvation works something like "Trust me, when it's all over, you'll see that everything works out just fine." Well, that might be good enough for more gullible folk, but I think I'll wait to see some credentials before signing on.

Savior! I mean, Oy, imagine where Israel would be if we were counting on him for saving! Turn the other cheek! We'd not only have to tear down the road blocks, but cover the cost of bringing in the bombers and the dynamite that they strap to their chest.

Maybe if these gullible goys would try on a Festival of Lights of their own, they'd finally be able to read the writing on the wall, and the lies in between the lines.

High Power Fuel

2005-12-10T16:56:00.000Z

A recent field study conducted by the NYC chapter of the Young and Liberated Women’s Association (YALWA) has concluded that when ingested at a steady and moderate rate, alcohol actually ENHANCES your sense of empowerment.

Beginning with one glass of wine at 7:00, sip a cosmopolitan while you wait for them to have your table ready for 8:00. Over a light meal, enjoy two glasses of wine, followed by one fortified desert coffee. By this point, a full stomach has kept you from outright delinquency, while the poisons have begun to erode your inhibition just enough to suppress your insecurities and apprehensions, but nothing else.

In other words, your wits are not only about you, but at their height. As long as your intake for the rest of the night is moderated to a pace that won’t further compromise your inhibitions, the playing field will be progressively slanted in your favor.

The men about you are likely to become more and more intoxicated, and as you stay ahead of them, it should be relatively easy to manipulate those prospects you find appealing into a subservient position, while evading and fending off whatever unwelcome advances arise.

The study notes, however, that any further intake should constitute some righteous cocktail in itself. After dinner, in other words, women should stick with wine, or switch to a consistent cocktail, and avoid shooters if they want to enjoy their elevated sense of empowerment.

Yuletide Media Conspiracy

2005-12-09T19:19:00.000Z

So, if there’s so much of a Jewish media conspiracy, then how come it is, that at this time of year, there’s so much gentile holiday propaganda? Hanukah might not be a high holiday, but if the Jewish media conspiracy is so busy straddling the gentile races with guilt, shame, & insecurity, how come anywhere you turn the dial this time of year, you’re bombarded with Christmas carols and TV Special?

Have you ever heard of a The Muppet’s Hanukah Special, or Garfield’s Festival of Lights?

Granted, our favorite WB writer, Josh Schwartz, brought Christmaska from the Cohen house and into our own, and the famous funnyman and his sidekick inaugurated Festivas. But those just cheap adaptations ‘inspired on by a true story. Even the plot of the Hebrew Hammer revolves around a character from gentile folklore.

THEIR Messiah might have been born this time of year, but OUR people solved the energy crisis for eight days. Hint: stop using trees for décor. Given today’s ecological climate, that should at least merit an annual primetime spot with Ed Bradley.